In the heat of July in Paris, i am stirred to soulfulness, dropped into the feeling in my body that compels me to stop…stop moving, stop trying, stop listening to all the voices outside…and come lay down beside me.
Come back to the quiet, to the strength of One that is found in the heart of the moment when all else is left to itself. They may call it the “spleen” here in France..the longing, a joyous melancoly, like a voice that sings out to the wind, to the nothing behind everything.
It calls to me with such an ache that i have to lay still…and let each muscle fall and fall and fall…
until i reach that place..where i question no more..where my breath matches the wind, the void ..the nothing, where i feel like i have arrived.
There i am greeted by a gentle heaviness that asks nothing of me. I sense, however, that it has much to give as it holds me, so fully and entirely that not one part of me questions any longer. I don’t know where i am ..but i know i can simply fall and that i will find arms ..and that they will hold me and hold me, and so i give myself away.
The tears then flow….they flow like a frozen river touched by spring, that bursts at the first touch of warmth, escaping its icy confine. It moves rapidly to find the wind, the earth, the life beyond it’s breadth..to sing with the forest and to new life.
Here I remember many lives, all wrapped into this one life..many winters of the heart, many summers of the body, many autumns of dreams and springs of wonder and i joyously surrender deeper. I no longer need to know anything. Just that i am alive, filled with longing and full of gratitude.
The arms soften around me as i pass through this season of my heart and i notice as my breathing calms that i want to stand. My feet touch ground, i pick up myself and notice the change, a lightness, a gentleness a freedom that gives me courage. Courage to keep breathing, to keep feeling, to keep moving with the tides of my heart and mind.
I give thanks for the witness, for the gentle guidance of that sweet quiet nothing that allows all in and caresses even the tightest parts of me back to their essence…I know that i have lived a moment of grace
and for that i shed one more tear..one more strand of my inner world comes dropping into this world and one by one they come closer together, to one day fully meet ..these worlds of inner and outer loving, and when they do they will take each other by the hand and dance..they will dance all night long into the dawn and sing each others song….
the one same song of LOVE
that is the one true song of LIFE