The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Awakening in the countryside for the third morning in a row is reminding me of how deeply nourishing nature is to the mind, body and spirit. My eyes fluttered open gently and the first sound to greet me was that of the birds and insects. Sigh.

This past moon cycle of July has been a difficult one for me, where i feel i am being asked by my Higher Self to make important decisions and take on more responsability when it comes to my role in the world. It is daunting and yet I know it is time to step more fully into my life, my passion and my desire to be in service to the world.

All this and stay true to my dreams!  There is another quote that I enjoyed reading by Eleanor Roosevelt this morning that i find complements the one above while touching down on my experiences.

Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.
Eleanor Roosevelt

This speaks to my fears around being judged and rejected. Oh yes.. i am sure I am the only one with these fears..hahah, and yet how strong and courageous one needs to be in order to truly grow beyond these limitations. To my inner heart I feel i have always been true. Even when it did not seem to make sense, to myself or to others. Something in me rang true and so I listened and followed. This has been a great mover for me in my life. And yet I find myself now wanting to be even more connected to the world, while maintaining my heart’s truth. Daunting indeed.

This morning i received what i imagine to be a direct sign from Source. Yet another answer, or message from the Great One that is always guiding and loving invisibly. Guiding with such subtlety that if one does not effort to listen, it is easily missed. Over the years it has become ever more clearer that this language of love is forever following me, and when i am able to hear it I am blessed with grace…even if only for mere instants. They are so short and yet often seem to stretch along time as if time were but a flimsy chimera compared to the truth of what we are.

Today this gracious message came in the shape of a butterfly. As i was perusing the quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt, I passed over the one that marks this entry…The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. I immediately connected to this quote, it fluttered in my heart. Yet i continued down the page looking to see if something would call out to me more strongly. As i went through I knew in my minds eye, the first one was the one. As i returned to the top of the page and reread the quote mentioned, a beautiful orange butterfly came fluttering into the room. I am sitting in the living room of the country house that overlooks a large hilly yard. The doors are open, a crack. This butterfly startled me, jumping about sporadically, coming so close to my face and then up and down towards the door and back in, again and again. A few minutes passed as she whirled and twirled, in what seemed to be an excited dance filled with meaning….for me.

Then she just as quickly flew out the door. I looked down and saw the quote which i then reread slowly. Just as i pondered the last word…dreams…she came fluttering back into the house through the other door at the other side of the living room and came straight towards me…twirling, whirling and fluttering just above my head. I put my finger out to her, not knowing if she would land, but feeling compelled to extend an invitation as my heart fluttered along with her wings….with the word dreams hovering between us as the invisible language of LOVE… the silent guiding force of the Universe as I see it, feel and Dream it.

Just an instant of a life, a few moments of a morning and all is splashed with color and joy.

Could it really be true….merrily merrily merrily…Life is but a Dream

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And once again the river runs to the sea~

Oftentimes, I will realize half way through the cycle of Mercury retrograde that this planet of communication has once again gone swimming countercurrent. And go Aha!!!

This time around, as my ability to focus and concentrate was waning, my computer moving slowly and not connecting to wifi, my meetings being pushed back or cancelled, I had to take a deep breath and let go of expectations and simply allow myself to follow the current. And the current certainly felt counter…

Gently, slowly and deliberately ritualizing life becomes the endless poetry of weaving back and forth on this sometimes turbulent current, and tests again and again my ability to stay focused and directed as well as my ability to let go and be taken by the river.

I come back to the simple and rhythmic art of breathing while the emotional winds have their way. No matter how much I learn, teach and practice this simplest of arts, it never ceases to amaze me when i forget to agknowledge my inhale and exhale, how the emotional winds can carry me deep into my unknown, where if i am not careful I can become lost for lengths of time. My doubts surface and vi for my attention, my past failures can creep in and rear their ugly heads, not to mention my romance with procrastination…this menage a trois can have lingering effects and leave me heaving on my bed paralyzed by existential panic. I must then truly dive within my well of knowledge and consciously untangle the frigid hands of my shadowlands of past and painful, from my heart and mind to return to the light of the moment.

Mercury going retrograde is therefore always a celebration. It is an opportunity to aknowledge the starry realms, yes, but also to ritualize the theater of life. A dot on the i, a period at the end of a sentence, a sigh, an exhale. It is a passing moment that in its subtlety can reap invisible rewards.

As much as i remain in humble awe at the effects of moon, sun and stars, I also recognize my part in the play and my power to give light to or dark to any subject. Mercury retrograde remains one of the planets that truly does seem to orchestrate trivial but sometimes very delibitating moments and so to you, oh Mercury I say Hallelujah! as you now move forward through your starry expanse with me in tow.

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The darkness allows the light to shine…the light shines only where there is darkness

In the heat of July in Paris, i am stirred to soulfulness, dropped into the feeling in my body that compels me to stop…stop moving, stop trying, stop listening to all the voices outside…and come lay down beside me.

Come back to the quiet, to the strength of One that is found in the heart of the moment when all else is left to itself. They may call it the “spleen” here in France..the longing, a joyous melancoly, like a voice that sings out to the wind, to the nothing behind everything.

It calls to me with such an ache that i have to lay still…and let each muscle fall and fall and fall…

until i reach that place..where i question no more..where my breath matches the wind, the void ..the nothing, where i feel like i have arrived.

There i am greeted by a gentle heaviness that asks nothing of me. I sense, however,  that it has much to give as it holds me, so fully and entirely that not one part of me questions any longer. I don’t know where i am ..but i know i can simply fall and that i will find arms ..and that they will hold me and hold me, and so i give myself away.

The tears then flow….they flow like a frozen river touched by spring, that bursts at the first touch of warmth, escaping its icy confine. It moves rapidly  to find the wind, the earth, the life beyond it’s breadth..to sing with the forest and to new life.

Here I remember many lives, all wrapped into this one life..many winters of the heart, many summers of the body, many autumns of dreams and springs of wonder and i joyously surrender deeper. I no longer need to know anything. Just that i am alive, filled with longing and full of gratitude.

The arms soften around me as i pass through this season of my heart and i notice as my breathing calms that i want to stand. My feet touch ground, i pick up myself and notice the change, a lightness, a gentleness a freedom that gives me courage. Courage to keep breathing, to keep feeling, to keep moving with the tides of my heart and mind.

I give thanks for the witness, for the gentle guidance of that sweet quiet nothing that allows all in and caresses even the tightest parts of me back to their essence…I know that i have lived a moment of grace

 and for that i shed one more tear..one more strand of my inner world comes dropping into this world and one by one they come closer together, to one day fully meet ..these worlds of inner and outer loving, and when they do they will take each other by the hand and dance..they will dance all night long into the dawn and sing each others song….

the one same song of LOVE

that is the one true song of LIFE